Why I Don't Laugh

My brother-in-law works as a police officer in New York, in the more rural areas mind you. Anyway, he told me a strange story one time. It was about a group of boy scouts who were camping out in one of the local parks. The park has a lot of trails and also a great camping location because it has several large open areas and a small stream runs through the woods, but this part of the park is largely unused.

Because of this, you can understand that a lot of weird stories float around about the place, the kind of thing that you do not fully believe in but your inner child is still afraid of. This group of boy scouts, however, did not believe in the stories; of course, neither did their scout masters. One was an older man who was a retired marine; the other was a younger guy who worked at the local high school. Anyway, they took the kids on a camping trip to the local park. You know, learn about nature, a bit of simplistic survival techniques, typical boy scout things. They were only camping out for the weekend, from Friday to Sunday. It was pretty close to the town so no one was worried. The town was safe and, aside from the stories you heard about the parks, there were no serious crimes.

When Sunday rolled around, however, there was no sign of the kids or the two adults. Now this worried people a lot in the town because the two men were really trusted and one was a marine with war experience. So of course concerned parents called the police and my brother-in-law was one of the people who were dispatched to check out the park’s woods.

Well, they found the campsite. Everything was fine, and by everything, I mean the stuff. Nothing was taken, nothing was broken. The kids hadn’t brought any money or anything with them of course, just clothes. The sleeping bags were out and were slept in, but no one was around.

So search parties were made. They scoured the woods, which are only a few square miles, and they didn’t find anything. Parents were freaking out, as I’m sure you could understand. Well, about a week later a person who was hiking in the woods came across the marine. He was alive, but covered in blood. Obviously people thought he had done something to the children and the other guy, but the thing was, he was silent. He just kind of stared with a look of pure terror on his face. Although the parents wanted to string him up, the police knew right away that he was in no shape to hurt anyone or to have done anything to the children. Whatever happened to the children and the other scout leader, he had seen, and it was enough to cause huge emotional harm to a man who had been through one of the bloodiest wars in American history.

The only clues were a piece of black cloth that the man had clenched in his hand and strange long bruises on his body. The police took him to the local hospital and tried to get him to tell them what happened. They had a psychologist come in and try to talk to him, gave him a pen and paper, showed him pictures of various people and objects, but nothing worked. They were still trying to get him to communicate when he committed suicide, and it wasn’t a “good” suicide either. The man ripped out his own eyes and bit his tongue completely off and drowned in his own blood. He did all of this without ever making a sound. The only reason the orderlies knew something was wrong was because of his heart monitor making that long beeeeeeeep when someone dies.

He was buried in the local cemetery and although people still had their suspicions, he was given a hero’s funeral. Nothing else was found after that until 5 years later. Groups of out of town college kids were hiking in the woods (by this time most locals stayed away, but every few months some kids hiked it, on a dare, without incident) and they found a body in a tree, or more accurately a body fell from a tree. So the police were called in and my brother-in-law was again with the group who investigated.

Turned out that it was the other scout leader, except that his body looked like it had only been rotting for about 6 months, not 5 years. His rib cage was ripped open, and his torso organs were all removed. What mostly stuck out were his eyes. They had the same look of terror the marine did. They weren’t even scratched or cloudy; it looked like he was still alive except for the absence of organs and decay.

So they did an autopsy and they found the same strange bruises as were on the marine. He had a wife and brother who both live in the town, and they were given his wedding ring, wallet, check book, and the change that was found in his pocket. His wallet even still had money in it, about $42. This further increased confusion as it would be thought that if he had been murdered and robbed he would not have any money, but the strange thing was that the brother said that some money was missing. Exactly $20 had been taken. The reason he remembered this was that his brother and sister-in-law had a fight, and his bother had borrowed some money to buy her some flowers and a gift when he came back after the camping trip. This is the reason why I have never laughed when people make jokes and post videos about how Slender Man stalks people because he wants $20 from them.

No bodies of the children were ever found.

Good night.