Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-8674030-20140807022344

So I actually posted this story a while back. LOLSKELETONS deleted it, but in my appeal said that I could post it to this board, get it fixed up, and maybe re-post it. So, here goes:

Introduction
''Note: This is the transcription of an audiofile of an interview by the CPD to investigate a crime ring that was abducting teenagers. -- There is, in the underworlds of many cities, something not unlike that imagined by Suzanne Collins in her books "The Hunger Games"''. This is the story of how I became a contestant in the one in the Chicago branch.

Who I am and How I Became a Contestant
My name is Jacob Alverston. I am 16 years old and live a few miles out of Chicago. I have an near-eidetic memory. I often go to the mall in Chicago with my friends to play at the arcade and to shop in the novelty store. One time, on I think October 17, 2011, we were at the mall and saw a new store. We went in to see what it was. I think it was called "12 Gardens". It was a hat, scarf, and tie store. It was starting to get cold, so I went to buy this really cool scarf with police hats and pistols on it on a dark purple background. I went to the desk, and pulled out my wallet. Then I saw a sign that said to go behind the curtain behind the desk. I went in. There was the owner, (he had a name-tag that said "Alex Benson, Owner" so I knew he was the owner) reading a book. He put down his book and turned to me. I told him that I would like to buy the scarf. He said okay, and I asked how much. He told me it cost 20 bucks, so I handed him a twenty and he stuck out his hand for me to shake. I shook his hand, then he shoved a rag in my face, and I fainted. Looking back, I assume it was chloroformed.

What Happened: Day One
I drowsily woke up in a small contrete room with no windows with a few other people. There was a small  TV, and on it, there was a very... shall we say... interesting man. He was tall, was weaing a suit jacket and shorts, and had grey hir to his ears. He looked about 37. The man said: "Hello contestants! Get acquainted!" The TV flicked off. He had called us contestants; I wondered what he meant at the time. Here were the people: The TV came back on after about 30 minutes. The guy said: "I bet you're all wondering where you are. Well, I can tell you that you are still in Chicago, but no more than that, 'cause then you could tell the police where we are, and that would NOT be good for you, or us! The reason you all are here is- Well, you all know about Maximus Decimus Meridius from the movie Gladiator? He has a famous quote. Do any of you know it?"

As he said that, a feeling of dread rose in my chest. I knew why we were here. "None of you? Really? Well, he was a gladiator. He was asked why the Romans had such barbaric practices. He replied 'Are you not entertained?!' You all are here to entertain me and my associates. You are free to discuss strategy. There will be modern weaponry, and more archaic modes of 'entertainment'. See ya!" I reached for my phone to call the police, but the people who drug me here had obviously stolen it. Having read "The Hunger Games", I figured I had a slight edge. However, I always try to resolve things peacefully, if I can. I figured none of us really wanted to resort to animalistic practices and kill each other, so I suggested that we all just hold hands and not fight when we start. Everyone agreed on that plan, as they figured that the sick, twisted, crime lords would not get any entertainment out of just bombing us all at once, and they had no way of FORCING us to fight. We decided to just go to sleep rather than getting to know each other too well, therefore making it too hard to kill each other if it came down to that.

Day Two
We were rudely awakened at 6:30 A.M. by the sound of bullets being fired by a tall man with an AK-47. He escorted us all to a bus, sat us down, tied execution masks over our heads so we could not see where we were going, and then started driving. We drove for a very bumpy 40 minutes, then we were escorted into an abandoned office building. We were forced up four flights of stairs and into a circle. Then the man went around and de-masked each of us. In front of us in the middle of the circle was a big pile of stuff. Not a cornucopia or anything fancy, just a pile. There were spears, pistols, swords, crossbows, SMGs, RPGs, assault rifles, bow and arrows, bunches of stuff. Then blasting from the speakers came "GO! NOW! KILL! HAVE FUN!"

But instead of running to get stuff and fighting, we all just took two steps forwards and held hands. That would be where the victorious choir music would set in if that was a movie. Then we heard from the speakers: "WHAT?! What are you DOING?! Fight each other! Now!" But we didn't. After about 15 seconds of this, we heard a gunshot, and Emily, who was standing two spots beside me, her chest explodes. There was a sniper! Everyone scatters. I grabbed a pistol and ran down to the first floor. I tried to escape by shooting a window, but the glass was bulletproof. I heard: "You think we didn't account for that? HAHAHAHA! HA! Stupid kids..." I ran to a closet and hide. After about ten minutes, I heard fearful panting and two pairs of running feet. Then a confrontation started. It was the voices of Alex and Kathy. Alex said: "Kathy, I'm sorry, but for me to survive I have to kill you!" "No, please! If it comes down to us, we can fight, but not right now! I'ts not right to kill someone without a weapon!" "Look, I am so very sorry for this, but it's the only way!" "...OK. Just can you kiss me first so I can have my first kiss before I die?" "Fine."

Then I hear a snap. Kathy had tricked Alex, and just broke his neck! Then she picks up his gun and reloads and cocks it. I hear her coming to the closet I'm in. As she opened the door, I shot her in the leg, and ran away yelling "Sorry!" I kicked off my shoes so I could sneak better. After a tense 15 minutes, I heard gunfire in the room to my left. I cracked open the door and saw a battle between Donna and Tim. They both had revolvers and kept ducking behind cubicle walls. It was all very cowboy. I heard Donna say "Crap, I'm out of ammo!" Tim popped up and laughed. He started walking to Donna, smiling. Donna then said "I lied!" And put two bullets in Tim's chest.

I let out and involuntary "Ugh" and Donna heard it. She walked out of the door and saw me. She pointed her gun at me and said "If you shoot, I shoot." I dropped my gun. She started circling me with a grim grin. "Looks like I just might win. Ya know, I have no problem with killing. Out of here, I was in a gang. Four men, six feet under 'cause of me. Plus Tim and Jonny in here. And you're next. That'll leave three besides me. Goodbye, Jacob!" She cocked her gun and pointed it right at my head. "You wanna countdown? 5...4...3...2...--" "1." Donna fell, and there stood Early, hunting rife smoking. "You owe me your life, Jacob." "Y-yeah." I stuttered. "Do you know where the rest are?"

"I haven't seen Jim, Kathy's wounded, and the rest are dead." "Thanks." She walked away, ponytail swaying. I raised my pistol and aimed at her head, but couldn't bring myself to shoot the one who just saved me. I walked into what looks like what used to be the rec room. I walked over to the the basketball hoops, but the floor gave in and I fell down to the second floor. "The one wood floor..." I muttered, then I heard screaming. I ran to find Jim viciously attacking Kathy with a spear. She kept rolling and squirming out of the way. She couldn't run away, though, cause I had shot her leg. Jim must have been having fun, cause he was not using the RPG beside him. Kathy saw me sneaking up on Jim, and hope filled her eyes. Jim saw that and whipped around, just in time to see a bullet enter his eye. I walked up to Kathy and tended to her leg. I did not tell her that it was just me, her, and Early. After sufficiently wrapping her leg, I told her to lay there and if she saw anyone, use the RPG. She thanked me profusely and I left. After looking for at least half an hour of fruitlessly searching for Early, I heard an explosion. I ran to where Kathy was, and saw her charred on the ground and pieces of Early all around. I ran up to her. I could tell that she had fired the RPG incorrectly and was going to die from her wounds. I knelled beside her, and decided to comfort a girl on death's door.

At this point in the audiofile, the speaker got teared up. "Kathy Morgan, I... I never got to know you, but you seem really nice. I think... I think that if we weren't thrown into this unholy death pit, I might have begun to... to love you." "Quite right, too. And I suppose, it there's one last chance to say it, Jacob Alverston, I suppose, I-" Then she died. I left the heard over the speakers "Jacob, exit the building." So I left through the front door, which was now unlocked. I saw the man from the TV. "Can I go now?" "Go? No, now you get to go to nationals!" That's when I shot him.

So, what did you think? Good parts? Bad parts? Overall help? Don't hold out! 