The Plumber That Took Me to Hell

My name is Lenny Koopa. Green Koopa class 5632 of the 800th devision. I am here to tell you a story about our greatest enemy...an enemy that even our proud and brave King fears. His name is Mario. I'll tell you of my encounter before he finally comes to get me.

Day 1
It all started like any other day. I was hanging with my many friends on yet another patrol. Suddenly, we saw an injured Goomba. We weren't too horrified, they're cannon fodder for...him. But still, he is a fellow comrade, shitty rank or not.

His last words were: "He's coming. He's coming. He killed off the Princes and Princess of our king Bowser. He's coming this wa-" before he just died. He didn't have to see the hideous foot-print on his head to know "he's coming."

It's happening again. Thanks to our king's tendency to make a continuous bad impression on the Mushroom Kingdom, their most dangerous warrior is coming. We never understood why Bowser wouldn't just realize the Princess of the Toads is just not interested in him. He always kidnaps her and make our people fight this guy in an "army vs. one" war. Sadly, the "one" always wins. Though he may look human, and is also not a god, he's not a pushover. Yeah, you would think because how fat he is, he would be a pushover. Well he's not, genius. He is capable of many unnatural abilities. He manipulates fire and ice depending on climates. He's surprisingly semi-aquatic, so he never drowns. He can fly with either a raccoon tail or a cape. I heard once he could put wings on his hat and that made him fly too. He can become indestructible when a star touches him, if only for a limited time. But the devastation that happens during it is so.... I can't speak of it. Let's just say, if you see him start to sparkle, or shine in a metal coat...run...or you will die.

Despite his weight, he can jump very high, and because he's so heavy, a goomba can be squished like a bug! If he eats a mushroom, he'll become bigger, and if he is fatally hit in this stage, he will only grow small. It doesn't even make it much easier to stop him.

Bowser throws everything in our imperial forces at him, from the Goomba to many of our strongest elite. All failed so far. Even our various strange and powerful allies from strange lands, the Shy Guys of Yoshi's Island, the Giants of Giantland, even the living dead risen from Hell...they all fail. It's worse if not even the dangers of the sea can't stop him. Even our own royalty can't stop him. Not even our King.

It gets worse. He has allies.

His brother Luigi.

He's basically a twin of Mario, only skinnier and taller. Normally, he tends to be less brave. But he's not a complete coward when pushed too far. He is just as dangerous to our armies as Mario is.

What's worse, unlike Mario, not even Boos are safe from Luigi. He has recently acquired a device that sucks the souls into a small compartment. It pretty much makes him just as dangerous as Mario, maybe even more. Luckily, he rarely gets involved as much as Mario does. Thank God. One unholy plumber is enough.

But he has a ally that goes ALMOST everywhere with him!

The demonic Yoshi.

This beast is the reason why Mario is even alive! Ages ago, it saved him from being killed by Shy Guys, and practically ate the majority of them. They were lucky they didn't become extinct that day. They feared the Yoshi race ever since.

This thing is a reptilian black hole! It can eat almost everything and everyone! Lucky, large soldiers are normally safe as Yoshi is only so big. But like Mario, he's capable of crushing you, and much more an incredible jumper than Mario!

This creature is genderless. They reproduce asexually. All it ever does is consume, consume, consume! Fortunately, it does have weaknesses. Boo's houses and our castles have no food for them, so Mario is on his own from there. Don't bother attacking it or running from it, it has a freakishly long tongue, and you'll be dead before you know it. It's tongue has a limit, so if you are far enough, stay far!

Sorry, I am off topic. Back to the story.

Day 2: Mario's Threat
We went to patrol later in the night. It's considered dangerous. Mario is dangerous at night. But it's our duty to protect Bowser from his latest inconvenience. We stayed together. Mario tends to avoid giant groups...Normally. We have to be careful he doesn't get too powerful. Once he does....it's game over.

Some of my friends saw something, and went to investigate away from the crowd. Our commander tried to stop them.... but it was too late. All was heard were screams and violent splatters.

We then saw a figure in the shadows...it spoke.

"It's a me. Mario! And I'm-a here to take you to hell!"

That's all he said when he attacked! He jumped high and crushed our commander! My friends began to scatter!

That's when Luigi and Yoshi appeared!

Luigi started to throw green fireballs at all of the troops! No one was spared, not even the new ones! Even the elite was helpless. A group of the famed Hammer Bros. almost got Mario and Luigi to back off, but the demon Yoshi frontal flipped in front of the Hammer Bros and ate them. I was alone! Mario approached me. I was but a helpless green koopa.

Mario spoke to me.

"I'm-a gonna give you a 20 minute head-a start! I feel, how-a do you say-a, sportsman like."

I ran as fast as I could, as Mario gave a malicious laugh. Yoshi roared

My Final Words
It's been past 20 minutes. I know Mario is gonna come. The scariest part of it all. Mario is normally the nicest guy ever. He is only this violent, sadistic, and psychopathic when provoked. God knows Bowser always provokes him. Our king is a fucking idiot! I am goning to die because of our King's fucking stupidity. I always hoped that one day a new king would replace Bowser and finally make amends to the Mushroom Kingdom. Mario's evil alternate persona will finally be laid to rest...I am just sad I won't live to see it.

(Rustling in the bushes.)

Oh no! He's coming! I got to go!

Lenny Koopa runs away as silhouettes of Mario, Luigi, and Yoshi pursue. A punch was heard. Lenny began to scream. Sounds like a slurp ended it!

A voice spoke.

"One a-less Koopa Troopa. Next-a time, Bowser."

Random weirdo