Did I?

I don't know okay? I seriously don't know.
How can I not know? well I just..just.. Okay, just let me tell you what happened.

I was at home, I wasn't doing anything in particular and neither was I planning to...

I'm just there, with her, and suddenly everything turned black. I don't know why, but it felt like something wrong was happening to me. I passed out, it was so..so..confusing.

Suddenly I woke up. Well I... I ...kinda did.

It was so weird, I was aware of what was happening, but I couldn't do anything; I couldn't move, couldn't open my eyes, but yet, I was aware.

I heard someone screaming, a woman more specifically. It was so..so..so horrible. I couldn't see anything, but I could tell it was obvious that she was going through loads of horrible pain. I felt like crying...but I could not bring myself to do it.

I heard some hits and some slashes. The screaming became worse and worse every second until it finally stopped...

I was sure it was because of something bad, and yet...I couldn't do anything. I felt so stupid and powerless. But it was the last thing I heard which destroyed me the most. I heard ...her voice. The voice of the woman I loved so much calling for me in her sweet voice, yet I was so helpless and weak.

James, WHY? Why did you do this? I loved you...

I woke up in the middle of the street, sensing something wrong. I ran and ran, until I reached the house just to find what I was so afraid of...she was dead. Not only that... she had been slaughtered to pieces all around, blood stained everywhere. It traumatized me. I loved her...I was going to marry her! Now she was gone. What torture me the most was that she surely had suffered terribly...the most tremendous amounts of pain ever.

Did I kill her? and why? Someone please help me. For the life of me, I can't remember a goddamn thing! Please someone for the love of God answer me! I couldn't have killed her! I loved her. She was perfect for me...

Or could I? She called for me, asked why I did it. But I can't remember! I don't know, I just do not.

Did I kill her? DID I?