Werewolves In Suburbia

One day, I was walking outside down my block to smoke a cigarette. I lit it once I was at the corner and watched the cherry glow it's orange-red glow. I took a hit and looked up at the sky like I always do. I admired the full moon appearing from behind the stratus clouds. It was a bit odd that the weather was more chilly than usual even though it was nearing the end of winter. It gave me the shivers but I smoked my marlboro red non-chelantly thinking that I was stupid not to put on my warm jacket.

Halfway through the cigarette, I abruptly heard some rustling in the woods. I thought for a second about the slight breeze but it wasn't enough power to make as much noise as the woods were. The tree leaves were going crazy and twigs were snapping here and there. I'm always paranoid when I feel the nicotine buzz but I attempted to tolerate the break of silence nevertheless. I took another hit and blew the smoke towards the moon.

Then... I looked straight ahead to see glowing red eyes blatantly staring at me through the trees. I froze for about five seconds not knowing what to do while feeling an uncomfortable chilling jolt of panic. "Time to go..." I thought. I put out the cigarette and started walking home. Looking the same place I saw the eyes, they disappeared. Looking directly towards the treeline closer to me I could see more eyes appear. They were following me... Tracking my every motion... I listened and heard silent bloodthirsty growls ridden with rabies and drooling saliva. They were not messing around at all...

I panicked and power walked down the block. Instantly I heard an enraged snarl and a figure began sprinting at me on all fours. Then two more. I started sprinting home breathing heavily. Looking over, the figure came out to be some kind of wolf with a bodily structure of an ape. Luckily, a car was racing down the road and smashed into it along with a loud yelp. I kept sprinting not looking back. I could hear the steps getting closer and closer. Then came the "fight" reaction in me because I had no choice. The wolf charged at me and leapt right when I stopped. I sidestepped the lunge and kicked the wolf in the neck. It fell down with a loud concrete thump and started spazzing out. I tried to run even further but was forced to the ground instantly with a blow to my head. The other wolf had me by the temple. The wolf had HYPERREALISTIC EYES. He attempted to bite at my throat but I remembered my skills from Modern Warfare 2 and grabbed the wolf's head on the lower jaw and ear. With one quick motion, I turned it's head aside and killed it. I said "GET MONEY BREH!!!" I was interrupted by a sharp jolting pain starting from the lower half of my body. The other wolf had a hold of my balls and ripped them off instantly. I could hear someone walking by saying "Oh dang, that kid ain't gonna be havin little juniors anytime soon!". I screamed like a girl writhing in pain but was interrupted by a bite at my throat. I blacked out in ten seconds and bled out a little after that.

I am writing this from Heaven. I have found a way to post my story on this site and it is a warning to you all. When the moon is full, don't smoke a cigarette and blow the smoke at the moon. It will give scent to the werewolves of the night and they'll eat your balls. Don't let this happen to you.

My nuts were in a separate case at my funeral. I found out that my clumsy brother was carrying it and dropped it on my coffin. My testicals bounced out like jumping beans and hit my aunt in the face. So that's karma. She didn't save me a turkey leg last Thanksgiving so karma does exist.

Oh, by the way, a skeleton popped out of the woods. Not werewolves. Now I have to rewrite this shit.