Teletubbies: The Truth

In the years since I stopped watching television I've never forgotten the Teletubbies. Something there hung with me. A foreboding. Something that the digitally enhanced colors, lilty childlike music and fluffy, impish dancing couldn't wipe away. Something dark. Darker than most expect.

And no, I'm not haunted by the alleged "liberal agenda" of the show. I don’t care that a bunch of right wing folks feel threatened by some puffy, dancing TV people. No, it was something else that I couldn’t put my finger on. What was it that resonated so deep in the core of me about Tinky Winky, Dipsy, Lala and Po?

I woke one night in a sweat. The Revelation came to me and it shook me to my marrow. It's so much more complex than any child can grasp. So thick is the subtext that it could be misinterpreted or missed completely by the adults that are watching. Maybe, those that feared the “Agenda” only had it partly right. It's not a liberal agenda... it is simply a warning.

Teletubbies is a dark, Orwellian nightmare about a genetically engineered slave class creatures being systematically trained to become part of our society.

In order for you to see what I mean, you need to Tivo or tape an episode. Just check the listings of your local PBS station. Just watch one and you will see exactly what I am talking about. Then perhaps the words that follow and the evidence I provide will resonate within you as they do in me.

While no backstory has ever been provided on the show about where the Tubbies are or even where they come from, one thing is clear - they are not in control of their own destiny.

Three things control their day to day lives. First there is "The Voice", a tinny female voice that tells them when to eat, when to sleep and when to say goodbye. The robotic, maternal voice blasts from a speaker implanted in the ground - hinting that something larger lies underneath and is constantly vigilant. The second is "Nu Nu", a harmless looking anthropomorphic vacuum cleaner robot who wanders after them, cleaning up their messes that they made and passively scolding them for bad decisions. NuNu is the watchdog, the controlling tool of the powers that have placed the Tubbies here. The third in the Triumvirate is the iconic, menacing Pinwheel.

The Pinwheel is the true power in Tubbyland, a mystical godhead that the simple minded Tubbies worship. When the pinwheel spins, the Tubbies stop whatever they are doing and run to the top of a hill. Here they perform a ritual for the gods in the sky, trying to curry favor. They gestate and roll around, like puppies having their bellies rubbed, trying to win the ultimate prize... and only one is favored. Only one can be chosen. When that one is chosen, they are blessed by having the genetically implanted bioelectric "television" screen in their abdomen activated. The Tubby is rewarded, not only by being the Pinwheel's messenger to the other Tubbies (a mouthpiece if you will), but also apparently by a physical orgasm of joy at the activation of the screen.

And what does the screen show? It shows an indoctrination film. "Here is the world of man and one of its customs. Learn for you will soon join us, live among us and serve us." A message from The Pinwheel God (I call it Revnoku... just because it sounds cool). When the ritual of the indoctrination is done, the Tubbies return to their day, child-like and innocent.

Finally, watching over it all is the Sun-Baby. The innocent, benevolent soul of humankind hangs over it all, illuminating Tubbyland. You see, we are guiltless in this. We have chosen for ourselves the form of a child, an infant. What could be more guilt-free and benevolent than a cooing baby? It is a form that the childlike Tubbies will understand and not fear, a form used to hide the watchful, totalitarian eyes that peer out from the darkness.

The powers that control Tubbyland have made it beautiful. Green and colorful... temperature controlled... I have not determined yet if it is an island or another planet. I lean toward planet because their underground bunker they live in seems to resemble some sort of buried space craft. Wherever they are, they are cut off from outside influence. Anyone who has ever watched “The Prisoner” can make the connection quickly. Like the Eloi from “The Time Machine”, they are kept simple, stupid, sated and enslaved in a place of vibrant beauty. Lambs to the slaughter. The better to devour you with, my dear.

I beg you to watch and decide for yourself. It's all there on the screen and finally, for me, all the pieces fit. Children enjoy it, as they should, for the colors and the nonsense... for adults it should be a chilling warning of times to come in future. It is a morality tale about the potential dangers of cloning and genetic manipulation abuse by those who think themselves benevolent. The Tubbies are alerting us to a future where genetically crafted, androgynous worker beings (with entertainment centers built into them) will serve us. Slaves who will stumble and babble their way through our world, pleasing us... for we are Revnoku!! We are the soulless, immoral God of their world. We demand their obedience. We demand that they perform and dance and work for us.

Teletubbies is simply a warning about the encroaching darkness. The decay of the human spirit as it ages - fat, bloated and raping not only the natural world, but the world in future(possibly).

Teletubbies is about the end of the world.