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When I was a kid, the two things I loved most in life were violence and video games. So naturally when GTA came out, it was like a dream come true. I played every PC GTA game from first until Ballad of Gay Tony (hidding them from my mom, of course), but my favorite was always GTA San Andreas.

It was finally the day that I moved into my new apartment. I just landed a job in Montreal as CEO for a company named Ubisoft, and I had just put all of my furniture into my new house. The stress of fees and rent were killing me, so I decided to take it easy for the afternoon. I went to play my computer, and mulled about, deciding which game to play. I wanted to play CoD MW2, my favorite game of all time, but I realized that I had not yet pirated any games on the new PC, as I was never able to configure the internet connection properly. I decided to instead take a walk through the city and see if I could find any video game stores. I was walking and came across a yard sale. A boy was just sitting there surrounded by boxes of various junk. Behind him was burned down house. Boy looked no older than 17 or 18. I started conversation with him. He said his name was Bill and that he is selling all the things he salvaged from the burning house. I asked him what caused the fire and he turned around and looked at attic window and whispered quietly: "Just technical malfunction". He then looked down and started to shake. I quickly backed up in fear, but Bill then raised his head and asked me would I want to buy something. I said yes, and rummaged through boxes looking for anything.

I found 2 boxes with games containing various games for different systems. There was a lot of Pokemon games like Red, Black, Lost Silver, Green, Emerald, X and Y, a couple of LoZ games like Ocarina of Time, Link's Awakening, A Link to the Past, Wind Waker from Hell, Link: The Feces of Evil, etc. On the bottom of the 2nd box I found burned up DVD case without any label. I opened it up and there was unharmed, pristine condition GTA San Andreas disc. I gave Bill 30$$$ for Pokemon Green and GTA and storm out of the place without looking back. As soon as I came home, I locked the doors, closed the windows, turn down the light, throw Pokemon Green on bed, booted up PC, and insert GTA disc in. Game started right away. No install screen, no software license, no asking for crack. Game just started. First thing I noticed was that sound was different. The known theme song played in the begining and I heard CJ (Young Maylay, actually) rapping, but in unknown language. I thought that this was some foreign copy of the game. I skipped intro and went to main menu. There I was greeted with three choices:

kuanza mchezo


kuacha mchezo

Now I was certain that this was foreign game. If I remembered correctly, second choice was options. I picked it and that opened another menu with 4 choices:

mtawala kuanzisha

audio kuanzisha

kuonyesha kuanzisha


Last one was supposed to be language option. I opened last one to pick english language. There was only 1 option :


I pressed english and nothing changed. I pressed again. No change. Well, nevermind, this game was not text-based adventure. I can shoot people on any language. Bullet is great in polyglotism. I started new game and title card appeared. It read:

Francis INTL. uwanja wa ndege

mji uhuru


Cj was putting his bag on baggage carousel and only thing that can be heard was loop of Sweet saying :

"Yena ufile, bro".

CJ was just standing there. Looking at me. Even by the graphical limitations of 2005, I clearly saw looked on his face, It was sad, depressed, like he was afraid of something. He said nothing. Then screen cut to black for few seconds and then new cutscene began. CJ was on his knees in front of Jonhson house which was burning. Flames were dark black. There was no normal sound. No sound of burning, no voice of CJ or even someone else. Just plain white noise. It went on for couple of minutes. I was getting uneasy by the sounds that echoed through the empty room. Then I realised that night already fall. Only source of light was computer screen. Then CJ got up and I was in control. Objective pop-up and said:

"Kukutana Brian karibu Playa del Seville".

Brian was CJs brother. But, Brian was not in the game. He died somewhere in 1987. I started breathing heavily. This was clearly some hacked game that some psycho made just for laughs. I gathered the courage and proceded to find Brian. But there was no pedestrians on street and no cars. I couldn't find any weapons on normal places. No shovel in Ryders backyard, no brassknuckle under the bridge, no gun behind houses. Only thing I found was sniper rifle with infinite ammo on Sweets house, where usually Tec-9 can be found. I zoomed with sniper to look around, and then i saw it. Old sewer system that was ordinarily dry was flowing with rivers of hyper-realistic red blood. I started choking in disgust. With bloodshed eyes I drove to place where Brian was. Near red marker was standing one of the Grove Street homies ( the one in jersey ). I stood in red marker and new cutscene began. Brian spoke to me in unknown language:

"Unethalente amabili sekugcineni le unomphela. Hamba ambulale".

He than fall through the street. New objective pop-up and said : "KILL KILL KILL KILL".

In place where Brian was standing spawned Freeway. CJ jumped on Freeway and I was in control again. I started to drive where red marker on minimap was. Then environment started to change. Streets of Los Santos were not the one I used to know. When CJ got to red marker the game started to make white noise again. I turned down volume on computer, but that did nothing. CJ got off Freeway and equip the sniper. He started to walk towards the only house on the street. Noise was becoming even louder. Then I realised that was my house. I tried to exit the game, but no response. CJ was getting near. Noise was becoming bloodcurdling. Blood was seeping out of my ears. Blood was everywhere. On floor, on the walls. In the last attempt to save myself i ripped power cable out of the wall socket. Game was still playing, without electricity. Blood started to came out of wall socket. CJ was infront of the door. Then all of a sudden noise stopped. CJ knocked down door and shoot me. Last thing I heard was:

"Street lucum. Lorem. Certe et ante omnia, futui".