I'm just like any older Kirby fan out there, I've played the games since the first one on the NES was new, but one experience alone still scares and haunts me to this day.
I just got my 2nd Gen Black Nintendo Wii, I decided to get a few games for it since all I had was New Super Mario Bros. Wii. Kirby's Epic Yarn came out about four days ago. So I decided to order a copy (I'm not rich, I'll take what's cheapest). It didn't come though, so I grabbed my keys, and my wallet, containing sixty dollars. When I got there, the place already seemed to be open and full of a lot of people. I decided to wait the game rush out. After what seemed like hours, the wave of people finally disappeared. I walked in. I saw that more than half of the selection of Wii, PS3, 360 games were gone. I walked to the counter to greet the employee at the register. For some reason though, I had a strange feeling as I walked to him. A kind of odd itching mind you.
The man at the counter asks me if I'm looking for something, I explained that I had ordered a copy of the game. He told me that the rush of people in here earlier were mostly after Wii games, and unfortunately, most went for Epic Yarn. He then told me that there was one copy of the game that didn't sell. I was confused as to why ONE single copy wasn't sold, but further asked him to show me the CD case for it.
He nods and shows me the case. As soon as I saw it, is when I got that feeling again. It was in a standard GameStop game case that they use when someone trades just a game and no case in, but what bugged me is that the part where the title, Kirby's Epic Yarn in this case, is supposed to be, looks all scratched and scuffed, and all that's written as a title is "Kirby". It's at this point when I start to get a sensed feel of worry. I then asked him if someone had traded it in.
He explained that a man that looked to be in his sixties or seventies brought it in. He told me that he thought the guy was just trying to pull one, or he was not right in the head. That just sounds out of place. Who would buy something brand new and return it next day? I asked him if he knew where the old man was, but he told me that, just moments after trading the game in, the old man died of heart failure. I then asked if he had learned the man's name. He told me that he knew, but could not reveal customer information, I respect that. Regardless, I wanted to buy it. He asked for only twenty dollars. I felt that that was quite a low price for such a new game. But whatever, I bought the game and right before I left. I couldn't help but to tell him my name. He tells me his name is Henry.
I then walk out the door to my car as it starts to rain. As I stop at a red light, I decide to open the case so I can look at the game. I might not be an expert, but, the disc I saw wasn't an official disc, it looked like a bootleg. It was a plain white disc with the word "Kirby" written rather poorly across the top. Afterall, my best friend did have a copy of the game. I mean, you'd think they'd notice something like this... Right? When I got home, I went up to my room, and put the disc in the Wii, I waited patiently for the game to load, it took about eight minutes for the game to appear.
When it did, the preview picture looked incredibly glitchy, showing broken textures, misplaced letters, etc. I figured it was just temporary. I proceeded to press the "Start" option on screen, as soon as I do, the screen flashes red for a split second. Now I was still unsure about playing this when I got it, but, it was when the Nintendo logo screen appeared was when I got that odd itch again, only this time, stronger.
The word "Nintendo" and the famous oval-ish border around it were heavily deformed and rusted-looking, and to top it all off, the logo's colored was slowly dripping down to the bottom of the screen, much like Mortal Kombat 2's Fatality blood-drip animation.
Then the title screen finally appeared, showing only "Kirby", but that was it, no other words on screen. The hills of Patchland were there, but what was out of the ordinary is that they had crimson colored yarn splattered all over them, kind of like blood stains. I pressed start and was immediately booted to the beginning of the game, no menu.
It appeared to be the first level on the first piece of Patchland. I play it through getting almost everything. I completed the entire first piece of Patchland, and unlocked the second piece, known as Grasslands. When I arrived, what I saw jaw droppingly horrifying. I could see what seemed like endless amounts of bodies of Patchland residents impaled on spikes, in the foreground and background, dripping out more of the yarn-blood, the sky wasn't the usual bright happy sunny sky, it was dark, cloudy, and rained, no not blood, just normal thunderstorm rain. and depressing to look at. But the nail that sealed the fucking coffin for this sadistic place was the music, it was still the Grasslands theme, but played slowly in reverse, almost demonic in nature, which can be found here:
I went to the first level on this piece. When I got to the part where you get to use Tank Kirby, is when I got really, REALLY, worried. Every time I shot and hit enemies with Kirby's Mouth-Cannon, they would explode like normal, but instead of the yarn gently floating downwards, they would spew unrealistic amounts of yarn-blood everywhere, even some of the yarn-blood was jumbled together, kind of like it resembled guts, but made of yarn.
I got to the end of the level, and upon beating it. I was sent back to the first piece of patchland. I stayed a little while, I went to the fabric shop to see if they had anything worth buying when I talked to the fabric shop guy, he said,"NO! GET AWAY FROM ME!", that gave me a pinching feeling.
Only two fabrics were listed, both unnamed. They looked creepy for a kids game, one had a knitted tiled skull pattern, but what made it creepy, was that the skulls had solid black eye sockets, and in the middle of every socket, were dark-red pupils with blood drips below, as well as the skulls being cracked all over and having a few bloodstains here and there. The other looked like an indescribable, incredibly glitchy mess, with random colors, and different sprites and textures for enemies and players. I then decided to go to the furniture shop, as I exited the fabric shop, the fabric guy said, "GET AWAY! GET AWAY!". I found that to be weird, shaking it off, I went to the furniture shop, the furniture guy gave me no greeting whatsoever. Just a blank speech bubble. Upon entering the furniture shop, I, once again, was greeted with creepy furniture. There was a couch, a wall lamp, and an item without a thumbnail. I got that itching feeling of suspicion again, only it was stronger. The couch was scratched, scuffed, and blood stained, the wall lamp's shade was partially ripped and broken, and the item without a thumbnail, well you got me there, but my curiosity got the better of me.
So I ended up buying the mysterious thumbnail-less item, upon doing so, I'm supposed to get a "Are You Sure? Yes/No" thing, but instead, I was given another blank speech bubble, still with the Yes\No, I selected yes. when I did, the clerk presented me with yet another blank speech bubble. I went to my little patchland room, and went into editing mode, again, without thinking twice, I selected the icon-less item to place on the wall to see what it was, what I saw scared the shit out of me. It was yarn Kirby, but with solid black eyrises and red eyes, and the most ominous, inhuman crimson yarn-bloody grin every made. I quickly removed it from the wall and checked to see if it was still in my furniture menu, to my shock and dreaded horror, it was completely gone, as if I never bought it.
I decided to go back to Grasslands, I read the yarn blood stained signs by the levels, one sign read, "LEAVE NOW.", another read, "TURN BACK.", At this point I was worried about playing anymore, but continued nevertheless. But when I went to the next level over from the previously beat one, I was unexpectedly booted back to the Wii Home, I was confused as to why this had happened, but proceeded to boot the game back up. I was greeted by the same disturbing stuff as before. But when I selected that level from Grasslands that kicked me to the Wii Home, the level actually loaded. The level looked, you guessed it, just like the main part of Grasslands, dark cloudy skies, with a thunderstorm, a crimson yarn line for blood instead of a blue one for water. When I beat this level. I was shown the cut scene of Grasslands connecting to the starting piece of Patchland in reverse, with eerie ambience getting louder and more demonic. then, near the end of the scene, speech bubbles flashed on screen, speech bubbles like, "MURDERER", "YOU DID THIS", and "HOW COULD YOU". This went on for several minutes. But just as it was ending, the demonic yarn bloody Kirby flashed on screen with a loud, and I mean LOUD, ear piercing version of what sounded like Kirby screaming.
I suddenly awoke, lying on my best friends couch, with Kirby's Epic Yarn on-screen, I never played a single Kirby game ever again. I learned the truth about him. He is an evil, evil creature. Then Kirby came out with red eyes. I hid in my closet. I do not know how much time I have left. OH GOD.... HE'S HERE.