I consider myself an average man. There is something that I do most people would consider out of the ordinary. I have always been a fan of trivia books like Guinness World Records, mostly because I was interested in knowing what was the most extreme example of something. It didn't have to be something extreme, just something that was the most in its own category. For as long as I can remember, I have looked through record books and wrote down information on superlatives. Are there other people who do this? I'd really like to know.
I have a job folding silverware at a rehabilitation center. The best part of it is probably how you get to have free lunch there. We rarely had pizza, so when I saw it show up on the menu tomorrow, I was quite delighted. On that day, I went to my workplace, but noticed something strange. For whatever reason, there was no pepperoni on any of the pizzas. You don't have to be a trivia guy to know that's the most popular pizza topping. So I asked my boss where it was and he didn't know what pepperoni even was.
I asked other people around the workplace, but no one knew. Was this some elaborate prank? It wasn't April Fool's Day. I decided to simply ignore it and enjoy my pizza.
Every day, my neighbor goes by my house walking his dog right before I head off to work. He had a nice Labrador Retriever, which I recognized as the most popular dog breed in the world. So the day after the strange pepperoni incident, I noticed he didn't come by. After work, I went to his house and asked if there was something wrong with his dog. He said he had no dog. Well, he knew what dogs were, but he had never heard of a Labrador Retriever.
It was at this point that I was really weirded out, but had no idea what was going on, so I figured I'd just forget it. The third day, I went over to Wikipedia's list of unusual articles. It really is a great and funny place to look up trivia. The last time I checked, the longest biography they had there was of a man named William McGonagall. He was reported as the worst poet in history, so I looked over, but I didn't see him listed under the "Literature" section. I then searched for him on Wikipedia, but nothing turned up.
I then used Google and nothing on him was there either. I knew there was no way this could be a coincidence. I then Googled "pepperoni" and "Labrador Retriever" and got nothing. It was as if these things never existed.
From then on, every single day of my life I have noticed the disappearance of some kind of superlative, be it the strangest, most common, or popular. One day, I went to look for Oreo's, the most popular cookie in the world. In my grocery store, not only were they not there, but the store had actually shrunk. The shelves were slightly smaller as if the space holding the cookies had never existed.
I figured the best thing to do would be to simply live my life the way I could. After all, these weren't things I needed, but it got worse. The worst part was when the entire country of Spain disappeared in one day. I even calculated the measurements on a globe and realized the Earth had actually itself shrunk as if this landmass never existed. More important places started disappearing like the Caspian Sea, the largest lake, and entire cities like Atlanta, the busiest airport in the world.
I have still managed to live my life as best as I can, working at my job and getting paid. I have started to realize what is going on here. I couldn't think of anyone else who knew these superlatives like I did. When I typed them down, even after they disappeared in real life, they remained on the computer. It won't be long until the elements start disappearing.
You know what that means. Oxygen will cease to exist and we shall all die. I can only hope that day never happens. That is why I have written this. I am asking and begging everyone who reads this to think of as many superlatives, hell, not even that, just ANY things you can think of that I can record. This was my purpose, to be the sole person to remember what made our world so unique. I don't know why this is happening, but I believe this to be my destiny. To inform others about my situation.
They say you never know how valuable something or someone is, until they are gone. That is what I have learned. That is true loss.