I am having difficulty writing this. Do you understand the meaning of fear? According to the Webster Dictionary, fear is defined as: a feeling of distress, apprehension, or alarm, caused by impending danger, pain, etc.
I do not believe this accurately describes the feelings of shear horror I experienced back when I had a MySpace, before there was Facebook. It all started out during the summer after my Sophomore year in high school. You know how it is, when all of that pent up stress the day that school is let out.
It is like fireworks going off inside of your chest, your mind, everything. It is a high you only experience in high school. As I look back now, I wish that my parents had never given me a laptop. I wish that I had never even signed up for MySpace, even though all of my friends had one.
It was mid-July when the events first took place. I had, predictably, woken up at 1 PM, and logged on to my MySpace. I rolled my eyes at the Vanity Train pages... morons. Sure, I will admit, I occasionally perused the Vanity pages, but only for the amusement of the overly done photoshopped images of the scene kids at my high school, who looked like completely and utter douches.
I clicked off of MySpace to check my Yahoo email. Afterwards, I decided to go back onto MySpace; that was where I made my mistake. Still being tired, I accidentally typed in Myface.
It looked exactly like MySpace. I did not notice anything off. I did not even notice that I had typed in the wrong web address. I typed in my user name and password. However, there was something off about my profile; it was my profile picture. My eyes looked slightly off. When I blinked, they were back to normal. Suddenly, a message popped up.
Anonymous: Hello, Lucy...
Lucy: Uh... Hi...
Anonymous: So, what are you up to?
Lucy: Who is this?
Anonymous: A friend.
Lucy: Riiiiight, later creeper.
I logged off. What the hell was that about? I closed my laptop, and for the rest of the day, the odd conversation slipped from my mind. Later that night I went, accidentally, onto Myface again.
For some reason I felt like I was being watched. Another message popped up.
Anonymous2: Hello Lucy, wanna see something cool?
Lucy: No. Fuck off, whoever this is.
A video message appeared. What I saw in it would scar me for life.
In the video was a girl who looked very similar to me. In fact, she looked exactly like me. The time stamp on it showed that it was live. The girl was tied to a chair, and she was being tortured.
She was systematically raped by a few different masked men. Afterwards, they slowly began to pull out all of her teeth with pliers. Then, they slit her stomach open, collar bone to pelvic bone. That was when I began to vomit.
Anonymous2: Do you like it?
As I stared at my laptop's screen, that was when I noticed the Myface. After that incident, I cancelled my MySpace account and threw away my laptop. I even tried to commit suicide. It was only recently that I started using my computer again.
I am still very paranoid about going onto websites especially ones like this. I do not even have a Facebook. I spent years being home schooled, because I was afraid to go outside. I was afraid that somewhere, out there, an Anonymous1 or Anonymous2 knew where I lived... knew that I existed in some way... that I was not just a ghostly girl on the internet, like I was before.
I am still paranoid.
I do not think it will ever go away.